Changes

I knew I hadn't blogged in a long time but I didn't realize I hadn't posted anything since Christmas...wow!  Between Christmas and March nothing much happened and I was just being a slacker.  We went to Florida (thanks to my Mom) in March and I had big plans to blog about our trip and catch up a little but then my life was turned upside down.  Most of you know about this craziness and I apologize to those of you I should have called and told you  myself.

The first reason I have been a slacker is because I'm pregnant and was in my first trimester.  I was nauseous all day and exhausted in a way that only happens when you're pregnant.  I'll post some ultrasound pics later, but I'm having a little boy at the end of October.  I'm really excited and Abby can't wait for him to be here.  I'm pretty sure she thinks he's going to come out big enough to play with her.  She hugs and kisses my belly all the time and tells me all the things she's going to teach her baby brother.  She's so sweet and going to be a great big sister and helper.
 
When we got home from Florida Mike told me he was leaving me for someone else.  He had his car packed up and moved in with her that day.  It's been a long four months.  Hands down the hardest four months of my life.  So many aspects of my life have been affected and I'm sad/angry/frustrated with different things at different times. 

Three things have gotten me through it.  The first is Abby.  She is such a sweet happy girl and just being around her makes me happy.  The routine and trying to keep things as normal as possible for her has helped me put my feelings aside for a little while.  Knowing that she relies on me has helped me plow through a lot of days.  Her resilience has always amazed me.  She struggled a little at the beginning, but for the most part seems to have accepted the situation and is alright with it.

Prayer is the other thing that I have been relying on.  Praying for strength, guidance, comfort, peace and receiving them is the only reason I'm doing alright.  I'm so grateful for prayer and a loving Heavenly Father who answers prayers.  I have also experienced the strength that comes from others praying on your behalf.  I wouldn't have made it through that first month without that strength from friends/family praying for me.  I felt uplifted and knew it was because of the prayers of others.  It's an amazing feeling.

Of course family and friends have been incredible.  I'm so blessed to have some many wonderful people in my life who love and care about Abby and me.  I'm so thankful for all the love, help and support I've received from everyone.   

I think I'm doing alright at this point.  I take it day by day and have good days and really hard days.  The hard days are fewer, easier and happening less often.  Abby and I moved back home with my Mom.  We'll be here for at least a year as I try to get back on my feet.  I applied for a job teaching science at an alternative high school.  As much as I hate the idea of not being home with Abby and this baby I feel that this is the best thing for me right now.  It runs from 2-8:45pm so I'd be home with them in the morning and my Mom and sister would be with them at night.  It's so frustrating for me to not be independent and able to take care of myself and my kids.  As hard as going back to work will be it will be great to gain some of that independence back.